Unlocking Textiquette: Cute and Charming Ways to Say 'I Love You

Image on Textiquette by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexls

What’s textiquette? It’s etiquette regarding texting. Whether you’re using Facebook Messenger, Instagram DM, WhatsApp, or even good old-fashioned SMS, texting has become an important mode of communication. You may use it to keep in contact with your best friend who lives two cities away, or for long-distance relationships, or be part of online communities on Discord or Reddit.

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Texting makes it easier to keep in touch with casual acquaintances, network, send each other memes or articles, and ensure your friend has reached safely after a late-night hangout. It’s also used for accessing mental health help from online services.

And how can we forget dating apps and the important role texting plays in the initial stages of a relationship? If you’ve ever heard of the terms ghosting (a situation that happens when someone who used to text regularly stops suddenly without an explanation) or dry texters (someone who’s not a very engaging texter and sticks to repetitive, boring sentences like wyd, hbu, k, lol, etc.), you would already be familiar with the ecosystem of texting on these apps.

But texting, especially good texting, usually involves a few key characteristics. Being consistent, keeping the conversation flowing, matching other people’s texting style, etc., are some of them.

Let’s Move on From the wyd (what you doing?)

Match Texting Styles

Are you someone who sends a block of text? Putting all your thoughts into a single or multiple paragraphs and maybe include bullet points in it too? Or you’re someone who sends 10 consecutive texts to explain your point. Either way, a study shows it doesn’t matter how you text, but what matters is whether your texting style matches with the recipient or not. If they prefer to keep it short with k, bye, thnks, then match it. Participants showed greater satisfaction and felt more in sync with their relationship.

Excessive Texting

Hi, how was your day? What are your plans for tomorrow? Did you have dinner? How was the dessert? Are you going to bed? Just reading all these questions can be exhausting, right? Imagine taking the time to message all of it back. Excessive texting can work at the beginning of the relationship, to an extent. You’re excited to know the other person, and it can also show care and interest. But if not regulated, it can soon become annoying. It can also come off as needy or clingy. Sometimes, the person on the receiving end can feel like they’re being interrogated. Especially if the questions center on knowing each and every aspect of another’s life. And soon, that can become controlling and abusive behavior.

Even if there aren’t any problematic intentions behind the text, people may still text excessively because they’re bored, lonely, or want to avoid real-life interaction. Whatever the underlying reason, it is still best to reflect and curb the excessive texting or inform the other person to cut it out.

When do you Text?

Getting a text in the middle of the night can be irritating. It’s great if the phone is on silent or the Wi-Fi is switched off, but if not, it could wake someone up. So try to limit texts to your new crush or match on a dating app during the day. At least until you’ve learned their schedule or their preference.

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● I started the conversation last time, they should do it next. You might have thought that during a conversation with your crush. When we start a new relationship, we get hung up on who starts and ends a text. So, initiate a conversation just as much as you’re expecting the other person to.

● Chat just for chatting sake. Your texts don’t always have to make a point or some important news. Sending memes and articles they might like, or simply just checking up on them, will strengthen your relationship.

● Be mindful of another person’s texting style. If you put a lot of energy into choosing the right word and tone, receiving a one-word reply can seem dismissive. But in the early stages, it’s not possible to know their relationship with texting. They might simply be better at in-person conversation. It’s also best to avoid ruminating over how long they took to answer back. Because chances are likely that they’re simply busy. They’ll get back when they can.

Conflict Management Via Text

Always be face to face while discussing something important or a heavy topic. It is just better to get body language cues, understand tone and facial expressions, which can help you adjust your communication appropriately. However, texting does not offer us this space.

On the other hand, texting can give you the buffer time to rethink your words and frame your message better when angry. It can help with reducing anxiety during conflict situations, which would be difficult to do in person. It also provides a platform for discussing sensitive topics in the beginning stages of a relationship in a less threatening online space.

But these spaces can hinder intimacy and vulnerability and shouldn’t be used as the only mode for discussing heavy and intimate topics.

Emojis 😊

Emojis are seen as somewhere between language and hand gestures. They can add layers to an otherwise boring text and make for a rich conversation. With a lack of nonverbal cues to fall back in the digital space, these emojis can help us make sense of context.

Emojis are fun, they’re playful, and they can bring a lot of clarity to the tone of a text. They can lighten the mood or express emotions we can’t express with words. In one study, researchers concluded that using emojis increases emotional intimacy and aids in the process of opening up to someone. The study also concluded that it may lead to an increase in the number of face-to-face interactions between texters and thus improved chances of knowing whether the other person is romantically compatible. It allows people to communicate their moods, emotions, and feelings better.

So go ahead and add a 😉, or 💕without thinking too much about it. There’s not much to lose.

How many are too many exclamation points?

It really depends. If you’re wondering whether the words are spelled right, or the comma was in the right place, don’t stress about it too much. If you’re sure the other person will understand it, then the grammar book can take a back seat.