Separation anxiety is the emotional turmoil we feel after being separated from someone we are deeply attached to. A prime example of separation anxiety in toddlers is when they tend to become clingy to their caregivers or act out when dropped off at a daycare facility.
This emotional reaction can often manifest as physical pain as well.
Anxiety over separation often manifests in infancy and early childhood, as infants become more conscious of their attachment to certain caregivers and start to grasp the idea of separation. It may deteriorate into Separation Anxiety Disorder if it is not addressed effectively.
Separation Anxiety vs. Separation Anxiety Disorder
Separation Anxiety Disorder and Separation Anxiety are intertwined, but they are different from each other in terms of severity and clinical application.
By definition, separation anxiety is considered a normal phase of child development until the child attains the age of three years. It usually grapples children when they are six months old and peaks at the age of 14-18 months.
Separation anxiety disorder, however, is a disorder whose intensity is beyond anxiety. It includes severe emotional distress, fatigue, and impairment in daily functioning.
While separation anxiety is short-lived and gets better with age, separation anxiety disorder stays for at least four weeks in children.
With separation anxiety disorder, one may go through excessive fear or anxiety about separation, age-inappropriate worries, and significant impairment in daily functioning due to these fears.
While separation anxiety can be easily coped with a proper understanding of attachment theory, emotional support, and reassurance, separation anxiety disorder needs professional consultations and treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy and medications.
Attachment Theory and Separation Anxiety
In 1965, Mary Ainsworth, a child development psychologist, performed The Strange Situation Procedure (TSSP), which monitored caregiver-child interactions while the infants were separated from their caregivers for various lengths of time before being reunited with them. As per their behavior, they were categorized into three categories: anxious-insecure attachment, secure attachment, and avoidant attachment.
It was the anxious insecure attachment category that had the highest degrees of separation anxiety. The infants started showing restless behavior even before the caregivers left them alone. They responded with a high degree of passivity and inactivity in such a situation where they felt helpless.
Understanding this attachment theory concept helps us throughout our healing and parenting journey. It works like a guide in the labyrinth of our emotions. It solves the mesh of love, trust, and security.
While it is believed that children should be made independent right from the start, it is also very important for you to convey to your child that you are always there for her. When you start showing your love and care through actions while applying some strategies, it becomes quite evident that your child will easily pass that unusual and confusing phase of anxiousness.
Developing a strong and stable bond with the children is important for them while they are young, but doing so also paves the way for them to have healthy relationships in the future. They gain assurance regarding themselves, and this certainty serves as an anchor for self-love.
Tips to Heal Anxious Attachment
You can use these tips that follow with your little munchkins to help them feel more loved and seen.
Being Attentive
Make sure you respond to your child’s needs as early as possible. Catering to a child’s issues early gives her a sense of comfort and security that someone is there for her.
Caressing a child more often also creates a strong bond between a parent and a child. When you promptly respond, hug, and kiss, she imbibes emotions of security and affection. These actions convey warmth and automatically bring in a sense of trust in her.
Routine Setup
Daily routines don’t just work for kids but for adults. When practiced with discipline, a proper daily routine soothes anxiety, as your child will know what to expect throughout the day.
Engaging activities
Reading her story books, playing their favorite game, constructive indoor games, and fun activities will help your child get over anxiety. These activities where you give undivided attention pave the ground for open communication and empathy in the child. The smiles and cuddles during these activities are non-verbal expressions of your love towards your child.
Creating healthy environment
Giving your child constructive criticism will help her feel recognized and appreciated. Since a very young age, this allows the child to develop trust and self-belief. Being patient and paying attention to your child’s development can boost his self-confidence.
Screen time
Reducing screen time or going on digital minimalism will help your child focus more on face-to-face interactions, creativity, and games that are paramount to their physical and emotional development.
How to Spot Separation Anxiety
Separation Anxiety can manifest in different forms and can be confusing to detect. Here are a few pointers to help you spot anxiety:
- Uncomfortable Goodbyes: When goodbyes to your child are unimaginably challenging
- Worrisome Child: When they worry about almost everything
- Difficulty adjusting: When they remain uncomfortable for days or weeks over small changes in life.
- Health Issues: When they frequently experience gut issues, headaches, or dizziness.
- Constant Reassurance: When they constantly seek reassurance of your availability.
How to Soothe Separation Anxiety
- The foremost essential checkbox to soothe separation anxiety is acknowledging its presence in your child’s life. There is still a huge stigma around the word anxiety in children, but remember that, just like you, it is normal for your child to feel different emotions.
- The next important step is to heal anxious attachment in your child by creating a healthy and positive environment and facilitating open communication. This will validate your child’s emotions and make him feel heard and valued.
- Keep your promises as they help build relationship trust in your child. When you promptly return home at the time you promised, the child feels safe. Providing details about yourself and your itinerary will prepare your child and, more importantly, build faith and a sense of security in the child.
- When you’re not around, encourage your child to carry a comfort item, like her favorite stuffed animal or blanket. That toy or blanket offers solace and a feeling of safety in your absence. This symbolization will help the child to feel close to you.
- A goodbye ritual is the most important strategy to calm the child down. A familiar pattern will ensure that goodbyes don’t feel odd to your child and help create a secure attachment between you and her.
- The foundation of all these strategies lies in your mental well-being as well. Being a parent can be very exhausting. Adding your work stress to it can further intensify this emotional distress. Make sure you take care of your mental health. This will help you remain calm, composed, and more mindful of your child’s needs.
Conclusion
Separation anxiety is a normal part of your child’s development. All you need to do is stay mindful, observe the patterns, shower her with love, and display a sense of security. Your choices and communication with her today will determine her personality and relationships tomorrow.
