What is your ulterior motive? Why are you seeking loving relationships in your life? Why do you want success at work and business? The ultimate aim of whatever we do is to attain a sense of happiness and fulfillment. Essentially, as a soul navigating the human experience, the overarching objective is to find joy and acquire valuable lessons. Yet, finding truly happy days, or living 24 hours of happy stretch is a rare possibility. We spend a larger part of our lives worrying about things that did not work out, and everything that can possibly go wrong in the future. Happiness is a rare luxury. The question then arises: how to be happy? What are the key ways to being genuinely happy?
Factors Influencing Happiness
There are countless things, incidents, and people to make us happy. Each day unfolds with a mix of positive and negative moments that can evoke happiness or sadness. Our happy moments may include- when your child hugged you just before leaving for work, when your partner expressed love, when you received appreciation at work, or the days when you followed your exercise routine.
Broadly speaking, our happiness is intricately linked to fundamental survival needs. Drawing inspiration from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, these encompass physiological requirements, a sense of safety, feelings of belonging and love, self-esteem, and self-actualization.
However, while Maslow’s hierarchy defines human needs in general, every individual experiences happiness at a different level. Not everyone who has great, loving relationships experiences happiness. Factors influencing your happiness are extremely personal and can vary from person to person.
Why is it Difficult to be Happy
Just like there are numerous reasons for happiness, there are multiple reasons to remain in sadness. Whether it is having unrealistic expectations of others, facing the struggle of maintaining work-life balance, or the presence of toxic people we are surrounded with, everything just acts against the force of our happiness. Compounding this challenge is the inherent tendency of our brains to work against us. The persistent focus on the negatives, rather than the positives, further complicates the quest for happiness.
Source of Happiness
So then, how to be happy? What is the source of happiness and how can you ensure that happiness lasts?
Interestingly, if only you begin noticing, all your sources of happiness are external. Only if your boss understands you better, only if your organization has better work policies, only if your child behaves a little better, only if you can find the love of your life, can you find happiness.
The pursuit of happiness often takes the form of a series of conditional statements: if you acquire a new car, happiness follows; with the car secured, a house becomes the next catalyst for joy. In this cycle of “ifs” and “buts,” the source of happiness always remain a dream of the future.
Ever wondered why do we depend on other people or external factors to find happiness? What if these distant dreams and external factors do not become the source of your happiness? It is time to introspect and discern who or what truly holds the key to our happiness, shifting the focus from external dependencies to a more sustainable and self-directed approach.
How to Find Real Happiness
The seekers of happiness look everywhere but at one place, within themselves. The very foundation of your happiness rests upon your perception of reality. When your surroundings align with a sense of peace and positivity, happiness naturally blossoms. Conversely, encountering a reality that contradicts your preferences triggers an adverse emotional response. The key to genuine happiness lies in the transformative ability to shift one’s perception. But the question persists: How can you shift your intrinsic viewpoint to life, and not just find but experience happiness in everything life has to offer?
There are 2 steps to find the real happiness. However, it comes with utmost dedication and practice- mindfully being in the moment, and detaching yourself from it. Let’s look at them in detail
Focus on Mindfulness
Instead of linking happiness to something that will happen in the future, why not embrace it now? Why wait for that better relationship or that better job to bring happiness, when you can experience it right now, simply by focusing on whatever you are doing and cherishing every moment? Amid our daily engagement and goals, we often miss out on the only moment on which we have control- the present moment.
An effective way to remain happy is by being mindful of the present moment and engaging your whole being in it. While seemingly straightforward, its impact is profound, as it empowers us to stay attuned to the present and prevents our minds from succumbing to negative thoughts.
Mindfulness entails training the mind to remain anchored in the present, thereby contributing to a sustained state of happiness. By curbing random thoughts and redirecting our attention to the task at hand, mindfulness becomes a powerful tool in fostering contentment.
Here is how you can practice mindfulness:
Breath or mantra meditation: Sit comfortably in a quiet corner of your house, and focus on your breathing or a phrase or mantra to focus your mind. Allow your thoughts to come and go, without dwelling on them or judging them.
Spending some time to meditate trains your mind to observe your thoughts and emotions from a distance. With regular meditation practice, you will notice a transformation in how you respond to daily stress, or realize that there is less frustration, or less lingering anger to daily challenges.
Mindful observation: Mindful observation of a flower, leaf or curtain does more than you think. Delving into mindful observation takes your mind off stressful thinking or anxiety.
Engaging the 5 senses: engage your senses by observing sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches. Label each sensation without judgment, allowing them to come and go.
Invite all emotions: When it comes to emotions, permit them to surface without judgment. Practice calmly and consistently naming your emotions, whether it be joy, anger, or frustration. Accept their presence without judgment and allow them to dissipate.
Don’t make someone or something the source of your happiness. Your happiness is your business, and thus the key to unlocking it must always remain with you.
Remain Detached
As we delve into the second step towards happiness, it becomes apparent that detaching oneself from efforts, situations, and emotions is crucial. The meaning of detachment is beautifully put in the Bhagavad Gita, “Detachment isn’t that you own nothing, detachment is that nothing owns you.”
To truly understand the significance of detachment, let’s unravel its various misconceptions. Often associated with emotional withdrawal or forsaking material ambitions, detachment, in reality, is beyond these notions. It allows us to cherish our relationships and pursue our career goals, urging us not to form attachments to them.
The essence of detachment lies in living fully, yet without becoming entangled in the outcomes of our actions. The law of detachment guides us to relinquish expectations about the future and instead focus on the present moment and our actions.
Acting without anticipation of success or failure, loving without expecting reciprocation, detachment enables us to embrace all emotions without allowing them to leave a lasting impact. Detachment practice fosters deeper and more meaningful relationships. By letting go of expectations, we open ourselves to giving love unconditionally, leading to more profound connections with our loved ones. In essence, detachment transforms our approach, emphasizing the importance of the journey rather than fixating on the destination.
5 Habits which help you become more happy
Apart from the 2-step approach to happiness, here are 5 powerful habits to become more happy
1. Gratitude
Being grateful is a powerful way to ensure happiness in your life. Appreciate the positives in your life by journaling them or thanking someone who contribute to the beauty of your life.
The flexibility of gratitude is remarkable; it can be incorporated seamlessly into any part of your day. However, establishing the habit of beginning or concluding your day with a gratitude reflection amplifies its impact. This ritual serves as a powerful anchor, grounding you in a positive mindset that can permeate throughout your daily experiences
Furthermore, you don’t have to wait for those grand moments to be grateful, instead embrace all little joys through the day. Take a moment to appreciate a warm smile from a stranger or relish in the simple pleasure of enjoying your favorite beverage with a friend. Embracing these small yet significant moments not only enhances your overall sense of gratitude but also contributes substantially to your lasting happiness.
2. Health
Achieving happiness involves recognizing the intricate link between physical and emotional well-being. Just like stress and anxiety have a negative impact on your physiology, the source of happiness is also linked to a healthy body. Thus, in order to ensure happiness, ensure that your body is well rested and well fed.
Nutritious diet: Embrace a nutritious and well-balanced eating regimen, rich in vitamins, minerals, and essential nutrients. A diet that supports your overall health not only fuels your body but also has a profound impact on your emotional state.
Embrace Regular Exercise: Physical activity is not merely a means to enhance fitness; it releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood elevators, creating a positive and energized mental state. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a rejuvenating yoga session, or a more intense workout, find an activity that resonates with you and contributes to your overall happiness.
Prioritize Adequate Sleep: The importance of quality sleep cannot be overstated. Ensure that you prioritize sufficient and restful sleep each night. Sleep is a fundamental component of physical recovery and emotional resilience. A well-rested body is better equipped to manage stress, regulate emotions, and contribute to an overall sense of happiness.
3. Control what you can, and let go of what you can’t
You cannot control everything in your life. In fact, beyond your own self, perception, and response to life, there isn’t much you can control. Yet a larger part of our life is driven to focus on things we cannot control and that leads to stress, anxiety, and frustration.
Do not try to control other people’s thoughts, behavior, or actions, instead focus on your altered response to them.
Even when it comes to managing our own emotions and anxieties, the challenge remains. How can you stop being stressed when stressful thoughts are all you have in mind? Accept that numerous emotions, both positive and negative will come your way and go. Acknowledge all your emotions, and be empathetic to yourself. Know that everything is temporary and is bound to shift.
4. Purpose of Life
Happiness is intricately linked to the purpose of life, with a clear sense of purpose providing a roadmap to fulfillment and meaning. Engaging in activities aligned with one’s values and passions creates a foundation for lasting joy. Motivation and drive naturally emerge from a pursuit of purpose, turning the journey itself into a source of happiness. Moreover, a strong sense of purpose acts as a resilient force during challenges, contributing to greater emotional well-being and a sustained state of contentment. Living with purpose fosters connection and community, as individuals often find fulfillment in contributing to something larger than themselves, cultivating meaningful relationships that further enhance happiness.
A purpose-driven life also positively impacts mental health, with lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression associated with individuals who have a clear sense of purpose. This connection between purpose and happiness underscores the importance of aligning one’s actions with core values, creating a congruence that brings inner satisfaction and a sense of well-being. In essence, the pursuit of purpose not only adds depth and meaning to life but also serves as a powerful catalyst for sustained happiness.
5. People
Assisting others and finding happiness are intimately intertwined, creating a reciprocal relationship where helping people becomes a pathway to personal fulfillment. Acts of kindness, generosity, and support not only contribute positively to the well-being of those receiving aid but also have profound effects on the well-being of the giver.
When we engage in acts of kindness, whether big or small, it often generates a sense of purpose and connection. Helping others fosters a meaningful connection to the community and a broader sense of empathy. This connection, in turn, contributes to a deeper and more enduring form of happiness that goes beyond momentary pleasures.
Moreover, the act of helping can trigger the release of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and oxytocin, often referred to as the “feel-good” hormones. These biological responses to altruistic behavior create a sense of joy and satisfaction. Additionally, witnessing the positive impact of our actions on others reinforces a sense of accomplishment, further enhancing our own happiness.
