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Since the time love existed, so have breakups. We have all had some relationships that didn’t work out, people we did not want to be with us, someone who didn’t want to stay with us, or some relations that just didn’t work out, despite all the efforts partners put in. Research shows that 85% of adults in America have experienced a breakup of romantic relationships. It was also found that the person who initiates the rejection of the partner experiences less stress and anxiety than the person who is being rejected.
It is challenging and emotionally draining to think of how to let go of someone. Even if the breakup is mutual, it is bound to bring in feelings of depression, anger, and lower self-esteem, at least for some time. Nonetheless, it is the journey of knowing yourself better and finding someone who would be best for you.
Why is it difficult to let go
Many times, holding on to someone does more than letting go. Here is why you must learn how to let go of someone:
1. Harmful Dependency
Holding on to someone can perpetuate unhealthy patterns or dynamics. It can lead to codependency, where your well-being depends on the other person. Letting go allows you to break free from these patterns and establish healthier boundaries, fostering personal independence and self-worth.
2. Lack of authentic connection
When you are with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings or values, the very idea of a love connection is missing. By choosing to step away, you create space for new relationships and experiences that align with who you are and what you truly desire.
3. Impact on your growth and well-being
Are you the one constantly pushing yourself to fit in with your partner? While positive changes are important, the ones pushed down on you are not, particularly when they contradict your values and identity. Clinging on someone can prevent personal growth and hinder progress. It can keep you stuck in a situation or relationship that no longer aligns with your goals or aspirations. Letting go allows you to explore new opportunities, discover your own path, and evolve as an individual.
How to let go of someone
1. Understanding your Feelings
Ever given a thought to what you need in a relationship? Is it love, emotional security, or a hot intimate connection? Now take another step and dive deep into the meaning of each of those terms for you. While the answers may confuse you initially, if questioned persistently and answered independently, you can understand incredible and unknown insights about yourself. At times, our love for someone is because we are simply addicted to them or because we are just too scared to let them go. Love, many times, isn’t the answer to why we hold on.
I am someone who values commitment and promises in relationships. When I fell in love, it was almost against the definition of ‘popular beliefs of how a person should be.’ He was a free-spirited, social rebel. After years of a committed relationship, I realized that I was in the relationship because I had promised commitment, and it was the right thing to do. Sadly, I clung to the relationship because I wanted to prove everyone wrong. It wasn’t out of love.
Find out why you want to hold on, and probably it is the gateway to knowing why you should not.
2. Give a Closure
It is essential to seek closure in any relationship. Obtaining an honest closure allows you and your partner to express your emotions and formally acknowledge the end of the relationship. This is crucial because, without closure, there is often a lingering hope for rebounds and miracles of reconciliation, especially if you are the one being rejected. Clinging onto false expectations only complicates the process of moving on and makes it more difficult to embrace new beginnings.
3. Forgiveness
Forgiving someone who hurt you and damaged you deeply isn’t easy. However, not many of us realize that forgiveness isn’t for the person who has harmed us but is meant for our well-being. When you choose to let go of the anger and grudges against your partner, you also forgive yourself for allowing your partner to hurt you. It allows you to move out of the victimized place and feel more empowered and untethered. This doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the hurtful actions, but rather freeing yourself from the emotional weight that has been holding you back. Forgiveness can be the first step on how to let go of someone.
Remember to also forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings in the relationship. It will enable you to build self-love and self-acceptance, the very foundation for more compassionate, stronger relationships in the future.
4. Don’t be Scared of your Emotions
While emotional turmoil may be too much to deal with, not facing them is unhealthy. Suppressing emotions can have a long-term impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Instead, it is vital to befriend your emotions, acknowledge and observe them distantly and finally let them go. This can be done by mindful observation of emotions, a powerful practice that allows us to maintain a healthy distance from our emotional experiences. By adopting an observer’s perspective, you create a space within yourself to witness and understand your emotions without getting entangled in them and instead gain constructive insights about yourself.
How to let go of your emotions? The next time you experience a surge of sadness, anger, or resentment, say hello to them with a smile. Sit with your emotions, observe them in a quiet space, and practice mindfulness. Close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the emotions arise within you; allow them to express themselves fully without fighting them. Slowly, you will realize a shift in these emotions and an eventual fallout.
5. Focus on your Goals
Focusing on your goals is one of the most effective ways to learn how to let go of someone. Instead of the mindless distraction of social media or Netflix, engross yourself in developing Vision Board this time. A vision board is a visual representation of your goals and dreams. Think beyond your last relationship. Put all your goals on the vision board, no matter what they are, finding a career you are passionate about, meeting the love of your life, saying goodbye to anxiety, or attaining financial independence. Take time to understand your goals and what visual representation, including photos, inspiring quotes, or objects, will represent your vision. Once you have all your goals in visuals, be creative and add them to a place you will notice every day. The essence of the vision board is inspiration and a means to trigger positive thoughts and feelings.
6. Bring out your Creative Side
Creativity is fun and inspiring, both for the people passively admiring them and those who are actively engraved in creative activities. If you have ever been involved in theatre, dance, or arts, you know exactly what I mean. For more than a century, art, dance, and music therapies have been used clinically to address mental well-being. When you choose to express your emotions creatively or visually, you set yourself free, enabling your body to release happy hormones like dopamine.
Numerous studies have been conducted to emphasize how engaging in various arts reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. What’s more? According to a study conducted by Frontiers, even digital cultural engagement, including but not limited to fine art, can be a vital tool to support your mood, anxiety, loneliness, and well-being.
So the next time you find it challenging to let go, put on your favorite music and dance it out.
7. Connect with Nature
Spending time in nature, whether in a park, forest, or beach, can have a calming effect on your mind and body. Nature offers a much-needed break from constant reminders of heartbreak, gives a sense of timelessness, and encourages you to find beauty in the change. According to research by Mental Health Foundation, people who are more connected with nature are usually happier in life and more likely to report feeling their lives are worthwhile.
You can begin with simple, easy steps. Start with walking barefoot for 10 minutes in the park close to your house. As you do so, feel the cool soothing ground below your feet, and imagine all the negative energy and thoughts within your body going out of you and into mother earth. You can also simply lie down on the ground and admire the beautifully lit sky at night. If you have time, consider taking a holiday and enjoying a sunset or sunrise at a beach. Nothing is more relaxing than walking alongside a beautiful serene beach with a glass of wine, all by yourself.
8. Prioritize your Health
We all have a pattern of habits we adopt when we try to get over someone. Some of you may be overeating or withdrawing from social interactions, while others may spend extended hours in bed. Make a conscious choice to eat healthy by adding lots of fruit, vegetables, and protein. Treating yourself to occasional indulgences like dark chocolate or your favorite brownie can uplift your spirits. Maintaining a consistent exercise regimen will contribute to your overall fitness. Remember that staying fit is crucial when you are prepared to enter the dating world.
9. Spend Time with Friends
Spending quality time with compassionate friends is one of the coolest and easiest ways to find your answer on how to let go of someone. Blurt out all your anger and fears to your besties, who can offer incredible support to cope with the relationship aftermath. Friends can offer a listening ear, provide comfort, and validate your feelings, allowing you to process your emotions in a safe and non-judgmental environment. Their presence also serves as a welcome distraction as you engage in enjoyable activities and create new memories together, helping to shift your focus away from the pain of the breakup. Moreover, friends can offer different perspectives and advice, offering guidance and helping you gain insights into your own growth and personal development. Their unwavering support and care can uplift your spirits and remind you that you are not alone in your journey to move on.
10. Practice gratitude and empathy
As bad as it may be, there are countless things to be grateful for in your life. Being grateful is not just a reminder of the wonderful gifts you already have, but it also amplifies the positive energy around you. Create your gratitude list today and thank all the empathetic people around you, the little luxuries of life, and everything you have right now!
Appraise yourself for gracefully living in the moment and allowing yourself to learn how to let go of someone. Be empathetic to yourself and feel proud of each step you take towards letting go. Also, be empathetic to your ex-partner who is going away. Make an effort to put yourself in your ex-partner’s shoes. Try to understand their perspective and emotions, considering the reasons behind their actions or decisions. This does not mean you have to condone or agree with their choices, but it can help you develop a sense of empathy and compassion toward them. Remember that everyone experiences breakups differently, and by practicing empathy, you can foster understanding and promote healing for both yourself and your ex-partner.
11. Remember that what’s next is always better
Feeling uncertain of the future? What if your future self tells you that what lies ahead is better than today? Believe in it. Remember that with time and healing, you have the chance to find a more fulfilling and healthy relationship, or even discover new dimensions of happiness and contentment within yourself. The end of a relationship opens doors to new experiences, opportunities, and personal growth. Embrace the idea that this ending is paving the way for a fresh start.
12. Professional help
If you have tried all you could and still find it challenging to cope up with the change, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Not all changes have to be dealt with alone.
