You are deciding what to eat for dinner and you open one of the food delivery apps. You had initially thought of pizza, but now images of biryani are flooding your head.
Is this leading to an internal debate?
One voice arguing for pizza and another making the case for biryani as you list their pros and cons. Or you could be thinking about the next day’s chores, having already decided on pizza. This running commentary in your head is your internal monologue. Evidence suggests that these inner voices are present for almost a quarter of our waking time!
Internal monologue is different for everyone and is influenced by a variety of factors. Like what you are doing, your native tongue, whether you are speaking to yourself or someone else. Sometimes it is not a monologue but an internal dialogue between two or more versions of you or a person or fictional character you have created in your head.
But there are some general characteristics of the voice. Sometimes you activate the voice purposefully (like when practicing for a client pitch). At other times, it is present even if you didn’t consciously use it. It’s mostly coherent and has different forms, emotions, and even accents. You can understand your internal dialogue and can figure out how one sentence led to another, even if the succession makes little sense.
When the inner voice is your personal cheerleader!
There is an inner voice that’s active when we’re silently reading a book. You might hear the words being uttered inside your head. Your inner voice may also repeat your grocery list when you are at a store. You may have multiple voices having a heated dialogue when you face a problem. While all these types of self-talk play an important role in helping us remember and better understand etc., let’s focus on positive self-talk.
You have done nine reps at the gym, and you cannot get up for that last squat. But you have a goal, and you intend to finish the set. Do you find yourself silently going, “You can do this!” as you push yourself up? When you’re stuck on a difficult task at work, do you internally narrate the steps you took during it? These are common examples of positive self-talk, which shows its ability to urge us and help us solve problems.
Do you say, “I can do this?” or “You can do this?”. Did you know that referring to yourself in the first person (I or me) or the second person pronoun (you) lead to different results? Interestingly, you can influence your actions far more effectively when you pitch yourself as the second person.
What’s more? Your inner voice can help you look at different perspectives, strengthening your relationships. It also gives you a moment to pause and appreciate the little things in life. Deliberately noting what and how often you think during different times of the day can also help you learn more about yourself.
When the inner voice is overly critical
While positive self-talk offers an incredible push to do better, negative talk can lead to extreme stress and demotivation. When we cannot solve a problem, repeat a mistake or hurt somebody, we are quick to blame ourselves. “Oh, you’ll never get better, you always do the same thing.”
Negative self-talk falls into the four categories:
- Personalizing: You are playing the blame game, where you are at fault for everything.
- Magnifying: You have the blinds on and can only see the negatives of a situation.
- Catastrophizing: Doomsday is always on the horizon for you, and you expect the worst even in ordinary situations.
- Polarizing: There are no grays in your thought process, only black and white, good and bad, leaving no room for processing anything in between.
How to put the inner critic to rest?
If you experience more of the negative self-talk, here is how you can engage yourself with a little more compassion and love.
- You can start by recognizing specific instances of negative self-talk, whether during work, at specific times of day, or in particular places.
- Working from there, we can then reframe the thoughts. ‘You are so bad at your job” can become, “Why did I mess it up?” And “You are a disappointment” can become, “Everyone makes mistakes, you will get better as you learn.”
- Journaling is a great way to process your thoughts and let go of the negative conversation.
- Harness the power of affirmations. “Today will be good” is an example of an affirmation you can try. It can be at the beginning of the day or spoken out loud to yourself throughout. Think of it as a quick energy booster!
- Add positive quotes around the spaces you spend the most time in, like your workspace, your wardrobe, your desk, etc. Consciously or unconsciously, we absorb the conversations, emotions, and vibrations of things and people around us. So, inject positivity into your nearest surroundings and find it reflected in you.
- Practice, and practice more. When you start something new, it’s unfamiliar and unnatural. But the more you do it, the better you become. The more you practice being kind to yourself, the easier it gets.
- Going from “I hate myself” to “I love myself” can be a big leap and may seem challenging in the beginning. So why not try neutral self-talk? These are logical, fact-based statements or observations about yourself, your surroundings, or whatever is bothering you. You can say, “I am okay with myself.”
Find your Inner Zen
Meditation is here to your rescue! You sit cross-legged on the floor or stand or lie down on the bed and let your thoughts flow.
Guided meditation
Sitting quietly and trying to train your mind to focus is harder than it seems. Your mind wanders. In guided meditation, an instructor takes you step by step through the practice. They may describe soothing visuals, explain breathing techniques, and how to add it to your daily life to get you comfortable and going! Sounds much easier now?
Guided meditation is especially helpful if you feel awkward about jumping right into positive self-talk. There are free apps to help you with guided meditations.
Metta meditation
Metta means kindness, compassion, and positive good feelings directed towards others. But it works wonders when directed to yourself too! It helps with developing more self-compassion, dealing with self-criticism, and giving yourself some TLC (Tender Loving Care).
Find a quiet place with minimal distractions and sit in a comfortable position. Focus on your breathing and use affirmations like I am grateful for the love, safety, health, and peace. Next, note how the affirmations make you feel. You can also strengthen your relationships by sending love to relatives, friends, neighbours or even pets!
Mindful meditation
Find a quiet place to sit, focus on your breathing and the rise and fall of your belly. Mentally note everything. It’s okay if your mind wanders during the process, it’s bound to, the real practice is training your mind to repeatedly and successfully come back to the present.
Use a timer, if you think you may get carried away.
Fun Fact
So how do the voices feel in your head? Do they take on the tone of a parent, coach, or boss? Or maybe the voice is of your best friend telling you things will be okay or maybe your favorite actor? According to a study, the voices in your head take on the general personalities of the faithful friend, the ambivalent parent, the proud rival or the helpless child. They show up during different situations to care for you.
