Image on Overcoming Fears by Andrea Piacquadio/ Pexels
What was the last opportunity you missed due to fear? Chances are that most of us will have an answer to it. We have all had our versions of fears- fear of being judged, fear of heights, fear of public speaking, fear of failure, fear of losing the loved one, fear of lizard, fear of facing an interview, and the list is never-ending. If you have faced fear in your life, know that you are not alone. While there has not been any research on the topic, according to psychology today, at least 60 percent of adults admit to having at least one unreasonable fear. Fears form a daily part of our being.
Before we talk about how to overcome fear, let’s look at why fears exist in the first place and why they are so powerful.
Why do fears exist?
The perception of danger or threat activates our brain and triggers acute stress that prepares us for a fight or flight response to the situation. The problem with our brain is that while the fight or flight response is more apt for life-threatening conditions, our brain tends to respond similarly to almost all challenges. That means your brain will generate fear and stress when a Tiger is about to attack you, as well as when you are about to deliver a public speech. And thus, the part of the brain that was supposed to keep us safe actually works against us in seeking potential growth opportunities.
Why is Overcoming Fears challenging?
Fear of Unknown
Image by Rachel Claire / Pexels
Have you ever taken note of the fears you have- some may be easy to ignore; however, some knock you down more often than you could have imagined. Fears have uncanny ways to pull you down in some of your most beautiful, rewarding moments. In spirituality, fear is considered one of the most negative emotions, holding you back in inaction.
Fear stems from the unknown, something you haven’t experienced before. The uncertainty of the future and imagining a negative impact of that future are often the trigger points of fear. For example, there are high chances that you fear making the presentation to your board because you fear being judged by them and the impact it will have on your career. Psychologists also note that if there is more struggle involved in overcoming fears, the chances are that you will face more fear of failure, making it all the more challenging.
There are numerous triggers for fear in everyday life, and it’s not always easy to figure out why you fear something and how likely you are to be harmed. Even if you are consciously aware that the fear is out of proportion, the emotional part of your brain keeps sending danger signals to your body.
Fear of Failure
Studies show that people who have a fear of failure have two personality traits, little intention to accomplish something and increased anxiety at the time of performance. In short, they lack the motivation to seek rewards and are instead focused on everything that can go wrong. If you are a perfectionist, failures may be your biggest trauma. But think about this, what if you hone 10% additional courage? With that extra courage, what would your relationship look like? How would your career prospects change? Will you be a different person for a 10% shift?
The Vicious Circle of Inaction
Image by Andrea Piacquadio/ Pexels
Overcoming fears can seem like a daunting task and one of the easiest solutions taken up by most of us is avoiding fearful situations! Want to start your business, but fear the risk? If you avoid responding to your inevitable emotions, you begin to affect your mental well-being. The problem with this approach is that each time you choose to ignore your fear, you are actually feeding into more fear, making it harder for you to step out of your comfort zone.
The Formula of Overcoming Fears
Understand your fear
If you are keen on learning how to overcome fear, it is essential first to understand the root cause of it. Instead of just thinking about your fears, write them down. Try answering questions like where the fear comes from, what factors trigger fear, and how your body and mind respond to fear. It may be a challenging process to reimagine your experiences. However, it is the first step to overcoming fears. And while there may be a temptation to take the opinion of your friends and family, know that the person who knows best about your fears is yourself. Morning hours can be an excellent option for contemplation, as you are well-rested and calmer than at other times of the day.
Train your brain on how to overcome fear
Fear is nothing but a learned, repeated reaction to a particular situation. Simply put, we need to train ourselves to react differently to get out of fear.
Here is the step-by-step response for overcoming fears:
- Face your fears: First, stop running away from fear instead of overcoming fears. Recognize that fear has come in and greet it with a smile.
- An unattached version of fear: Now step back and evaluate fear from the lens of a third person. Detach yourself from the situation and review the fear again, as if you are doing that for your best friend.
- Question your fear: Understand and question the logic of fear. Most of the time, fears are illogical, and training your analytical mind to question them can help in overcoming fears. How can an inch-long spider cause any harm to you? The probability of an American dying in a plane crash is about one in 11 million, but one of every five deaths in America is due to smoking.
- The logic against fear: Now place a relatively logical explanation not to fear. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, tell yourself that the audience out there has not invested their time to simply judge you, but is rather keenly interested in your thoughts. They are there because they want to learn from you and want to hear your best version.
- Find your purpose: Focus on the purpose of the action for overcoming fears. Knowing the purpose of that speech in the event will remind you of how your fear is much smaller than what you want to accomplish. Will that talk bring a positive change in the lives of others? Will it help you get the promotion you have been waiting for? A purpose strong enough to connect with your positive emotions can work wonders. Find a purpose to your action and be inspired by it.
- Take action: Finally, take action for overcoming fears! You can address your fears with continuous effort until they goes away. Did you know that public speaking is the most common fear in the United States? In many surveys, death is ranked second to standing and speaking in front of strangers. To remove this fear, for example, you may practice delivering a 5 min talk in front of a mirror, followed by giving the speech in front of your best friend. Keep expanding this group from family to friends to office colleagues. Practicing prior to the D-day is highly recommended.
Facing Fears vs. Avoiding Fears
Researchers have realized that the part of our brain that detects fear and warns us against us, called Amygdala, operates on 4 key parameters to trigger fear-
- Uncertainty of future possibilities,
- Degree of attention required to manage a particular situation,
- Unpredictable change, and
- Struggle to be able to accomplish something.
Image by Andrea Piacquadio/ Pexels
Put all four parameters together, and you are creating a recipe for fear of failure. If a situation demands uncertainty, attention, change, and some amount of struggle, there are high chances we will experience fear. To train Amygdala to react otherwise, some training isn’t required. Gradually facing the fears in small, manageable safe can help train Amygdala not to raise the alarm with fear. So, how to overcome fear? Simply face them! If you are scared of heights, try skydiving. The good news is that most fears of the unknown can fade away immediately as we face them. If you fear traveling alone, you may be delightfully surprised by your love for solo travel soon after your first one.
But how to overcome a fear that can’t be faced? Many fear losing their loved ones for no logical or foreseen reasons. If noticed carefully, you will often find a strange correlation of fear with particular objects, incidents, or even emotions. To give you a perspective, imagine you sitting at a restaurant with your family when you receive a phone call that one of your closest friends met with a severe accident. You are deeply pained by the news and sitting numbed in emotions. Time seems to slow down, and you unknowingly yet intently focus on your surroundings, the food you are having, the color of the chair, etc. The chances are that the next time you see the same food, you will experience the fear of losing a loved one! For overcoming fears, it is important to create positive anchors to manage such fears. Like in the previous example, the food had nothing to do with the accident. With enough practice, you can train Amygdala to remove such fears and negative stimuli.
If you have inexplicable phobias or fears that don’t have a logical explanation or don’t seem to have any correlation to any incident in your life, consider reaching out to a past life regression therapist. It is believed that we can experience the traumas from our past lives in the form of fear or phobias in this life. Many such fears include fear of certain animals, fear of a particular place, fear of a specific number or color, etc. without any valid reason. Past life regression therapists can help you understand the reason behind those unexplained fears and help you heal.
Do not always prepare for the worst
Imagine growing up in a home where the parents always expect the worst to happen.
When we anticipate and gear up for the worst-case scenario, it can sometimes skew our perception towards a negative outlook, causing us to overestimate the likelihood and severity of negative events. These negative thought patterns are often unrealistic and can deeply affect our emotions and behaviors. Learning how to overcome fear while living in constant fear can be a daunting task. Ironically, the very act of trying to prepare ourselves for the worst can lead to a vicious cycle of negative thinking. Imagining worst-case scenarios can take a toll on our self-esteem, reduce confidence, and fuel anxiety. Therefore, it’s crucial to learn how to balance our preparation for the worst with maintaining a positive outlook and realistic expectations.
Having said this, do note that there are chances of failing. You may face the fear of failure the next time you get on the stage. However, it is a journey of continuous evolvement, and know that with every step taken, and every effort made, you have moved a step closer to overcoming fears.
Seek medical help
At times, it can be challenging to deal with anxiety problems on your own, and that is perfectly fine. If you have tried most of the above-mentioned solutions and other healing practices, but nothing has worked, or if the fears are interfering with your daily routine, it may be time to seek medical help. Are you experiencing any of these?
- You’re experiencing physical symptoms in response to your fear, like your heartbeat feels irregular, you sweat a lot, you often feel dizzy, you can’t eat or speak, you have trouble completing daily tasks, or you feel shortness of breath.
- Your fear or phobia is causing you distress or affecting your ability to function normally.
- You have a history of anxiety or panic disorders.
If the answer to any of these is yes, do reach out to a medical professional near you.
Summary
Remember that feeling fear is being human. We all may have fears, but our journey isn’t about them. It is about embracing our fears, recognizing our courage, and experiencing life as is. No matter where you are in your journey, celebrate your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Celebrate every fearless moment!
