Image on thing people are better than me by Nubia Navarro (nubikini) on Pexels
Do you often find yourself questioning your worth? Do you think that most people are good, barring you? Do you often ask yourself, ‘Why are all people better than me’?
Here is a myth buster. You are absolutely perfect the way you are!
While visioning your better self and efforts to progress are paramount to growth, a comparison isn’t. When you start comparing yourself with every second person you meet, and find them better at making money or having great friends, you undermine your sense of purpose in life. All of these people look more beautiful, more accomplished, and more happening in life than you ever will.
Here are 10 sure-shot ways to get out of this feeling
1. Define Success
Given the popular societal mechanism to measure success, we are trained to look at success from the lens of limited factors. Success is measured with your high-paying job, or a stable marriage is a window to happiness is not always true. In fact, the most extraordinary people will look at factors beyond the obvious. Success is an amalgamation of your current emotional state, health, relationships, career, financials, spiritual well-being, and more importantly, how you plan to grow. Find out things that matter to you and define what success would look like for you. Interestingly, the more you delve deep into understanding what matters to you, the more you realize that all aspects are interrelated. For example, undertaking work that you are passionate about, rather than a high-paying job, will bring more happiness, leading to better mental health, leading to improved possibility of a happy love life, and so on. When you start working on any one area of your life, all others are bound to become better.
So the next time you find yourself jealous of someone because of the way they look or how much they earn, remember what your priorities are and work on those instead. Focus your energy on what truly matters!
2. Everyday improvement plan
Your only comparison for growth has to be with yourself! Small yet consistent actions and inactions have a huge impact of what you are and what you can become. Small yet consistent actions have the potential to transform you. According to author James Clear, if you decide to improve yourself by 1% more than the previous day for a year, you’ll end up 37 times better by the time you’re done. Improving yourself continuously may not bring in dramatic impact in a day, but the compounded change is massive. Try talking to a new person every week, walk an extra 50 steps every day, meditate for an additional one min this week, and experience the difference!
3. Find your strengths
Still think people are better than me? List down your strengths on a paper and focus on improving them further. If it is challenging to find a response to this, ask about your strengths and accomplishments from your five closest friends, family members, and colleagues. Choose this group on two parameters- they must know you incredibly well, and you can trust their judgment. The exercise can give you a perspective from your closest allies and help you learn to accept both compliments and feedback. A conscious effort to improve on what you are good at and minimizing the bad habits and thoughts offer a great way forward. The next time to get a negative thought, feel proud of what you have accomplished so far.
4. Get social, but in person
Social media has bridged the gap between old lost friends, just that many of those friends online aren’t really friends! Over the years, social media has blurred between what’s online vs. what is real. It has created profoundly unrealistic expectations of body, life, and relationships in our minds. Chances are that the lavish travel and happy couples you see online, and compare your life with, are not a reality. Social media brings unrealistic comparisons of unreal online life to your valid self, triggering in anxiety and depression.
Instead of messaging a friend on social media apps, plan for a get-together. Have open, transparent conversations about life and insecurities with your best friends, and you will notice that contrary to your fear, most of your friends like you for who you are. A smile in passing, mindfully listening to a concern, and having elaborate conversations bring vibrancy to life.
5. Power of Gratitude
Gratitude is an incredibly simple and powerful tool! Regular practice of thanking what you already have has an immediate effect on reducing your anxiety and maximizing your potential for possible gains in the future. What you pay gratitude for only amplifies with time. You may keep a gratitude journal or remember the beautiful moments of the day before going to bed. It is extremely challenging to find less or no reasons to be grateful for. So send out your thank you to the universe and people around you for making your life better. Next time you wonder ‘why people are better than me,’ remind your mind about the loving relationship with your boyfriend or cherish your most beautiful memories.
6. Managing Expectations
A writer’s journey isn’t less or more valued than a sportsman’s journey. Nor does the milestone define the validity of any journey. Steve Jobs was 21 when he started Apple out of his parent’s garage, and Ray Kroc created the now-famous McDonald’s when he was 52. Both are some of the most successful business leaders we have known. Things will come to you at different times and in various forms. We need as much of farmers and homemakers as we need businesses. The role each play is distinctly unique and deeply valued.
7. Choose your Community
You are who you hang out with! Your moods, worldview, opinions, and mental well-being are dominated and influenced by the people you spend time with. Surrounding yourself with positive people not just transforms your personality, but also impacts your work life and relationships. If you feel inferior or find everyone better than you, it may be because you are spending a lot of time with negative people who are constantly judging and criticizing you and others. Choose friends who accept you as you are. Let go of hostile relations and find people who are better than you- positive thinkers, visionaries, and empathetic leaders. And when you find this group, they will help you improve rather than pull you down further.
8. Challenge your thinking
The next time you think, ‘Most people are good and better than me’, challenge the thought! Remind yourself of the strengths you have listed down, what others have to say about you, and the incredible things you are grateful for. A shift from negative to positive self-talk is proven to boost productivity and increase self-respect.
If you find someone more successful, challenge it by looking at your success parameters and your accomplishments. The key is to be honest in these conversations. If you think you are bad at your work, challenge the thought by questioning the evidence that can support the thought. Has your co-worker or boss made any comment, or is it your perception? Be compassionate and honest with yourself during the exercise. Simple statements like ‘I am good at my job, or I will do well at work’ can make a difference.
9. Exercise and meditation
Give yourself the gift of health and peace. Regular exercise or walking in nature can shift your perspective and build confidence. You don’t have to sweat yourself with long workouts in the gym, but the idea is to move your body and release the unwanted energy inside you. Dance to your moves with loved ones, jump around with kids at home, or take on a personal challenge of 10,000 steps a day. Practice meditation, beginning 5 minutes during the day. You don’t have to worry if you can’t take your mind off the limitless thoughts. Nonetheless, practice it daily. Mediation has its impact, even when you don’t feel it.
10. Practice forgiveness and empathy
Do you know that forgiving someone can instantaneously raise your vibrations? Forgiveness helps you reduce stress, lower psychological disorders, and activate your nervous system, which is great news for your heart. Clearly, forgiving someone isn’t about the person who has wronged you, but is for your own good. Every moment you have a choice – focusing on the wrongdoing of the co-worker who made an insensitive comment, holding a grudge against your partner, being angry with the cab driver who was terrible at driving, or simply forgiving them. Would you instead shift your energy to seeing the beauty that lies in every moment, bringing in more empathy and love for yourself and others?
